Understanding Your Feelings When LOSS Occurs
By Dr. Elizabeth MacGregor
When you have experienced loss, most often grief follows. It is a reaction that is clearly part of the fabric of life, but often so painful, that we gladly, and sometimes begrudgingly turn to others for love and support.
Although death is the most obvious trigger, divorce or marital separation, relocation, news of a fatal illness, loss of physical or mental ability due to an accident or a disease, and even unemployment are all fairly common sources of grief.
Unresolved feelings related to "anniversary dates" when loss or sadness occurred, can bring a grief reaction. These dates may go back as far as infancy, i.e., if you were adopted as an infant or were hospitalized or even if surgery occurred at an early age. Although each of these issues may have been resolved positively for you, the early feelings of abandonment and loss may continue to linger and trigger a grief reaction.
What are the Physical and Emotional Reactions to Loss?
Physically, you may experience a loss of sleep, a lack of energy, or a panicked feeling with shortness of breath, or bouts of weeping.
Current research also reveals that our immune and cardiovascular systems are taxed heavily when we experience grief. Colds and sore throats and even more serious medical illnesses may occur.
How often have we heard that he or she "died of a broken heart"? People most at danger from a physical or emotional problem are those who cannot openly express their feelings.
If your Children Have Experienced Loss:
- answer their questions tailoring your response to your child's age
- let them talk freely about the loss
- leave around objects from the lost person or pet, which often hold precious memories for the child.
- show your own grief to your children. It's a valuable model for them of openness, sharing and intimacy.
What are some of the Things You Can Do To Manage Your Loss?
- Try to avoid "feeding" your unhappiness. Many people use overeating, alcohol or cigarettes to cope with the lonliness and emotional pain they feel... to fill the void and numb the pain.
- Talk to friends and family about your feelings.
- Counseling can help when grief seems overwhelming. With your therapist as an ally you can learn to acknowledge your loss, experience the grief and confront the pain; to adjust to a way of life without the lost person or object; and to reenter life to become involved in others again.
-- Elizabeth MacGregor is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) for the Montville Counseling Center and is an active member of the AMHCA.
Article referenced from the American Mental Health Counselors Association (AMHCA).
